Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
