Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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