First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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