i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
