Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
