i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Send help, water and tortillas.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
