I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Randomize
