I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
