what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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