No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How external is "for external use only"?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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