The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
