I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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