mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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