Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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