I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
