She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
