could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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