Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
