How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize