Sry I called you an 8
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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