I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
