yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
