I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
