new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
