What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
