you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
