I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
