I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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