Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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