I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
