just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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