i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
