She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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