Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
