just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
