if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
you never un-have a 4some
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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