cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I intend to get homeless drunk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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