Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
