He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
