mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
3pm strippers are depressing
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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