In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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