he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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