I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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