tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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