Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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