This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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