You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
