I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
