3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
