You were right. It hurts to walk today.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize