8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize