He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
