so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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