As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
