if only i could text you this smell
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
