remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
