walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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