My first STD was from a foam party
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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