Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need to calm my uterus...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
