eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
