why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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