ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
