I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
