Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
