Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
