accomplished twins. life is a go
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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