I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
