Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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