This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and she was petting her beer can
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
