I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
