It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
