No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
