You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
