After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
