well you can't waste a boner
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
