I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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