What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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