6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
