Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
