His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
