I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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