wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize