Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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