So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
