I accidentally had phone sex last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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