Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
