hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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