I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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