I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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