Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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