I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
