I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize