you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
