Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
