I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Randomize
