Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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