too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
