I could have mohawked her pubes.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize