seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
